Short bouts of depression are normal.
Lengthy bouts of depression can be deadly.
And people who deny depression are ticking time bombs.
The metric you want to monitor is your refractory period regarding how quickly you can return to baseline without suppressing any naturally arising emotions or feelings.
High-Level Overview of today’s Philo Letter:
Quote: You control your pain
Mental Model #1 : Avoid Being the Turkey
Lessons Learned: Cultivate a Questioning Mindset & Learn from Past Experiences
Mental Model #2: Counter-Acting Bouts of Depression
Refractory Period: Getting Back to Baseline
"If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now." - Marcus Aurelius
Mental Model #1: How to Avoid the Suprise Left Hook:
Let me share with you the Parable of the Thanksgiving Turkey. Inspired by Sahil Bloom
The Parable of the Thanksgiving Turkey comes from The Black Swan, the 2007 best-selling non-fiction book by Nassim Taleb about unforeseen events.
This version of the Parable of the Thanksgiving Turkey focuses more on the emotional aspect of being taken by surprise:
Once upon a time…
There was a turkey who lived on a farm.
Every day, the farmer would come and feed the turkey, and over time, the turkey began to trust and even love the farmer.
The turkey felt safe, secure, and cared for, as the farmer never missed a day to provide food.
Throughout its life, the turkey's emotional bond with the farmer grew stronger, as it believed the farmer genuinely cared for its well-being.
The turkey, trusting the farmer's intentions, never questioned the daily routine or worried about potential dangers.
In fact, the turkey was sure that it would continue to live an exciting life with the loving care of the farmer.
As Thanksgiving approached, the turkey continued to enjoy the farmer's attention and affection, feeling more secure than ever.
Then, to the turkey's utter shock and disbelief, the farmer suddenly ended its life to serve it as a meal for Thanksgiving dinner.
The emotional blow was devastating.
Having grown emotionally invested in the farmer, the turkey was completely blindsided by the betrayal.
It had allowed itself to be lulled into a false sense of security and care, never anticipating such a heartbreaking turn of events.
The moral of this version of the story is that we should be cautious about putting our trust and emotions entirely into seemingly consistent patterns or relationships.
Just like the turkey, people and organizations can be lulled into a false sense of security by regular patterns and fail to account for the possibility of sudden, unexpected events or "black swans."
You have to learn how to recognize that unexpected events can occur, even when you feel secure or loved.
It serves as a reminder that we should be cautious and consider the potential for significant, unforeseen changes in our decision-making.
Two Biggest Take-A-Ways from the Parable
1.) Cultivate a questioning mindset:
Always question assumptions, both your own and those of others.
Never bank on how healthy something “seemingly feels.”
It’s great to feel, but your feelings will get you fucked.
Be open to the possibility that things may not always go according to plan or follow a predictable pattern.
2.) Learn from past experiences:
Reflect on times when you were caught off guard or blindsided, and try to identify any patterns or warning signs that you might have missed.
Use these insights to inform your decisions and actions and be better prepared for unexpected situations.
For instance, in The Parable of the Thanksgiving Turkey, the turkey could have asked the farmer from day one…do you intend to cut my head?
This would have provided clarity rather than the turkey making a fool of himself, investing his time and energy into a relationship, then being taken advantage of and served on a dinner plate.
The Farmer’s Lefthook
If you haven’t put two & two together…I am the turkey in the parable.
Years ago, this would have impacted me months on in.
Suppressing the feelings, I would have taken it out on some other poor soul by gaining their validation, followed by ghosting them.
An ungodly terrible toxic trait, at the time, that I’m still not proud of and wish upon no one.
So what do you do when you turn the corner and get left hooked by surprise?
How do you compose yourself?
And how the hell do you get back to baseline as fast as possible WITHOUT suppressing your feelings & emotions?
When I received this information early this week, I was taken by surprise.
A storm of emotion began to brew inside.
I wanted nothing more than to mentally deconstruct the farmer.
That feeling lasted about 3 seconds…
How can I say that?
Because the desire to retaliate with harm is emotional pain.
A feeling I’m familiar with and know all too well that NOTHING said in those moments will turn out well.
You HAVE to let the initial response pass…it takes time for logic to kin in.
"Be like the promontory against which the waves continually break, but it stands firm and tames the fury of the water around it." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Mental Model #2: Applying the BioPsychoSocial Model
Which is short for Biology, Psychology, Sociology,
My fellow Philos, you’ve heard me discuss at length on this before.
You see, our emotional reactions often precede logical responses because of how our brain processes information (we’re now getting into the BIO-PSYCHO section of the model).
Two special parts of our brain help us feel and think.
The amygdala is like an alarm that quickly helps us feel happiness, fear, or anger when something happens.
It works really fast because it's important to know how to feel in different situations.
The other part, called the prefrontal cortex is like a wise friend.
It thinks more slowly and carefully about what's happening and helps us decide what to do.
It takes longer for the wise friend to think because it wants to make the best decisions.
Sometimes, we feel emotions before thinking about them because the amygdala is faster than the prefrontal cortex.
Feeling emotions quickly can be helpful when we’re in danger or see an opportunity.
But sometimes, it's important to slow down and think more carefully about our feelings and actions.
Refractory Period: Getting Back to Baseline
Get your head out of the gutter!
I’m not referring to sex (although this can certainly impact your libido).
I will outline the sequence of events and timeframe for returning to baseline.
Monday Night
Immediately after the bomb dropped, I shut the music off, eliminated distractions, and started writing.
You can read that here if you want 👉 Intuition, that elusive whisper from within.
I knew that this was what my body (biology) needed first to support my mind (psychology) so that I could start making sense of the information.
When we write, we formulate our thoughts.
We turn thoughts…into the physical.
Tuesday Morning - less than 9 hours after receiving the news
I went on a long walk.
When you walk with no distractions, you can hear God and process much more efficiently rather than getting caught up in a negative thought cycle.
Post-walk, I became angry because the words exchanged did not align with the actions taken.
So I wrote again on anger; you can read that here 👉 Is Anger an Emotion or Feeling?
Post-organizing my thoughts (psychology), I now felt it most appropriate to take the aggression out via heavy physical assertion.
So I went to the gym. Had a great workout.
Hit the sauna and 40° cold plunge.
Which essentially serves as a big dopamine reset.
You can do either one first. Write and then exercise.
Or Exercise, then write. It’s a two-way highway.
Wednesday - 24 Hours Later
I’m already feeling better.
My thoughts are more organized.
My energy is progressively returning.
Now it’s time to go be around people (sociology).
I head to the city park, and some friends meet me there.
We work out, play in the sun, crack jokes, talk business, and expand on how blessed we are, even when it seems we’re not.
Every waking moment is a gift.
Thursday - 48 Hours Later
I’m 80% back to baseline.
Which is pretty fuckin good if you look at the grand scheme of it all.
Many of us get stuck in negative cycles that torment us day in and day out.
You can’t fall asleep, you struggle to get out of bed, and your focus is absolute shit.
Short bouts of depression are normal.
Lengthy bouts of depression can be deadly.
And people who deny depression are ticking time bombs.
Your metric to monitor is your refractory period regarding how quickly you can return to baseline without suppressing any naturally arising emotions or feelings.
Big Love, Nadeem.
Final Thoughts
From my dear friend Charlie Golding
We all have our first moments when an interaction allows us to form a judgment.
We can either arrest a judgment or allow it to develop into a full-fledged passion (Origen).
God gave us complete control regarding that which enters our soul.
Our soul’s are so unique, so protected.
We can allow a terrible encounter with someone to overcome us, create a negative reaction, fear, hate, or smile, ground ourselves, and show the world God’s love within us.
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