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4 levels of Intimacy


A relationship built solely on physical intimacy is like a flower that blooms quickly but withers just as fast.

A relationship built on spiritual, intellectual, and social intimacy is like a tree that takes time to grow, but its roots run deep, providing a strong foundation for lasting growth.

Once you take away sleeping together and physical touch, you’ll come to realize that not many individuals have much to offer.

Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or soulfully…

Because our society, this generation, is so pressed for physicality, they've forgotten that mentality and personality create the bond and form longevity.

High-Level Overview:

  • Quote: Ester Perel

  • Today’s Thought Tunnel: 4 Levels of Intimacy

  • Mental Model: The Pyramid of Intimacy

  • Lessons Learned:

"Intimacy is not confined to the bedroom; it's a way of being with another person throughout the day."

Esther Perel

Thought Tunnel: Four Levels of Intimacy

  1. Spiritual intimacy: Shared values and beliefs, a sense of purpose and meaning.

  2. Intellectual intimacy: Shared interests, deep conversations, valuing each other's perspectives.

  3. Social intimacy: Shared ecosystem, knowing each other's friends and family, building a support system.

  4. Physical intimacy: Touch, sexual intimacy, physical expressions of affection.

Mental Model: The Pyramid of Intimacy

Today’s society seems to prioritize physical intimacy above all else.

Sex seems to be the way to connect for most.

But here’s the problem.

It’s the smallest form of intimacy…

You see, the levels of intimacy are like a pyramid.

And physical intimacy is the tippy top…its the smallest point.

So if you begin your relationship with someone based on physicality, the foundation is unstable.

A simple push

A gust of wind

One turbulent wave

And it all comes crumbling down.

There is only so much intimacy you can have in physical intimacy.

Physical intimacy is limited…it will only take you so far.

Think about it.

You can only last so long, lol.

If you begin your relationship with someone based on spiritual intimacy first, you can create a foundation designed to withstand any storm.

Here is how our culture looks

  1. Physical

    1. Start with the sex > “Looks like we’re connected now!

  2. Social

    1. Can we have fun together? > “Seems like we’ll get along.

  3. Intellectual

    1. Can we carry on deep conversations? > “I think we can, but I don’t know.

  4. Spiritual

    1. Do we share the same beliefs & values? > “Oh f***, what did I get myself into?”

Gods intended approach

  1. Spiritual

    1. Align on your values and beliefs > “Build a strong & stable foundation.”

  2. Intellectual

    1. Connect on shared interest > “Listening to and valuing each other's perspectives.

  3. Social

    1. Entering into one another ecosystem > “Development of trust, support, and understanding.

  4. Physical

    1. Built on top of the former > “With you till the end.

When you take time and cultivate a relationship through God, first, i.e., spiritual intimacy.

You’re building on a stable foundation.

An unwavering ground meant to withstand the test of time.

Will it be rocky, and will there be disagreements along the way?

F*** yes!

But you respect each other’s perspective because you value one another (intellectually).

You trust each other and support one another because you’ve allowed each other into each’s own space (social)

You know neither of you will be fleeting because you’re with each other until the end (physical).

These three levels of intimacy stack on top of the foundation of Spiritual Intimacy.

The video above captures the entanglement of all four levels of intimacy.

You can feel the playful, childlike joy shared between the two.

Entanglement is a term used in quantum mechanics to describe the phenomenon where two or more particles become correlated in such a way that their individual properties cannot be described independently of each other.

Imagine the potential for deep, lasting connections if we shift our focus from satisfying our desires to aligning with others on a more spiritual, intellectual, and social level.

Spiritual intimacy fosters open and honest communication, allowing us to express our thoughts, feelings, and desires without fear of judgment.

This creates a safe space for trust, empathy, and understanding to flourish.

This fosters a stronger and more authentic connection that goes beyond the physical.

A spiritually connected relationship empowers both partners to grow as individuals and as a team.

We inspire one another to reach new heights and navigate life's challenges with grace.

The phrase "Into me, I see" beautifully encapsulates the essence of intimacy.

Intimacy is about unveiling our true selves.

Real intimacy requires we remove the masks we wear daily, revealing our genuine emotions, thoughts, and vulnerabilities.

Intimacy is about accepting each other's imperfections.

As we allow our partners to see our authentic selves, we must also embrace their imperfections and vulnerabilities.

Intimacy is about fostering emotional safety.

Creating a space where both partners feel safe to be their true selves is a cornerstone of intimacy.

Intimacy is about nurturing a deeper love.

When we allow ourselves to be seen and loved for who we are, we cultivate a more profound and enduring love.

This deep love strengthens our relationships and empowers us to grow, evolve, and thrive together.

Big Love, Nadeem

Final Thoughts

As humans, we yearn for connections that go beyond the surface.

Transcending the mundane and touching the very core of our being.

Connecting on a soulful level with another person is an experience that fosters deep understanding, empathy, and growth.

It allows us to see beyond the facades we often present to the world and truly appreciate the essence of another being.

Wanna Catch Up? 📚

The Creators Blueprint
The Creators Blueprint
Nadeem Al-Hasan